How To Tell If You Are A Grinch
How to Tell if You're a Grinch
1. You reuse last year's Christmas cards and send them out under your own name.
2. You steal light bulbs from you neighbor's outdoor display to replenish your
own supply. (5 points, 10 if neighbor's whole light sets or lighted Santa goes
3. You have dressed a dog or cat as Santa Claus, elf helper, or reindeer. (10
points for each; if you dressed an endangered species, 5 extra points)
4. You put out last year's stale candy canes for children. (1 point for each
piece of sticky candy). If you put out a chocolate or marzipan Santa also, add
5. You enclose a shoddy and inferior gift from Target, Walmart, or K-Mart in a
Bloomingdale's or other prestige box to impress your friends. (5 points for
6. You make collect long distance phone calls to your family on Christmas day.
(5 points, 10 if from a cell phone), claiming you are stuck in a phone booth.
7. At the office Christmas party, you horde huge stockpiles of goodies for
later consumption at home. (5 points; 15 points if you use this stuff for your
8. You steal the wreath from a parked car to use on your own [Southern
California only, others ignore]. (5 points -- nobody but Angelenos are dumb
enough to dress a car)
9. After an invitation to a friend's house, you bring a commercially produced
fruitcake and try to pass it off as home made. (5 points; 15 points if the
fruitcake is from last year).
10. Any stealing from the Toys-for-Tots collection bins is a definite no-no.
Evaluate your score on the "Grinch Scale" from 20 to 100.
20-30: You are just a cheeseball.
30-50: You are an apprentice in Yuletide larceny and are probably wanted by
the police for overdue parking tickets.
50-100: Grinch, move over. The Meyer Lansky of Christmas crime has arrived.